last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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