can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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