The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
