while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
