There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
