Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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