There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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