once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
