I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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