we're chasing vodka with high fives
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
