I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's the barista slut.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET