C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(