dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it