He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF