Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go