Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
