thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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