do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
