Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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