I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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