I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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