It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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