I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
