Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize