Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
