So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
