Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have poison ivy on my dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...