I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible