So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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