It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
