K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
