its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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