He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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