it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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