you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores