Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner