he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch