I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
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I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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