You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter