i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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