I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
