Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
