We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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