I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
