Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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