this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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