After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
