Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
