Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
