Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
