I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
