"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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