I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
