Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
