tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
