I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
