i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
