I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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