He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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