Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Operation Purity has been aborted
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
