Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize