I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
