i think my tv is drunk
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
