We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
