I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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