I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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