I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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