you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
