I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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